Sprite Stitch Board!

I'm in class right now, pretending I work in Human Resources (fake business, department rotations, blah blah blah) and I am SO bored! Anyone got a good joke? I can get the ball rolling...
A man was admitted to hospital where the doctors found 6 plastic horses shoves up his ass. Doctors have described his condition as stable...
Your turn!

Well, I don't know if it's funny, but I went to the butchers the other day and asked for some bacon. Th butcher said, lean back? So I did and I fell over. Then I went to the bakers and asked for a loaf of bread. He said, I don't have a loaf, how about a roll? I said, I would but I've got my best suit on. Well, after that I popped to the green grocer and asked for an apple. He said, we don't have an apple, how about a pear? I said, I only wanted one!

You can blame my grandpa for telling me those atrocities.

They certainly sound like Grandpa jokes! They made me smile at least

This comes via my 7-year-old daughter:

Why couldn't the skeleton cross the road? . . . . . . . . Because he had no guts!

Two men walked into a bar. One said, "I'd like some H20." The second man said, "I'll have H20, too."

THE SECOND MAN DIED.

(chemistry jokes, what)

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A pirate walked into a bar with a ship's wheel protruding from the waistband of his pants. The bartender said, "That looks uncomfortable." The pirate replied, "Yarr, matey, 'tis drivin' me nuts."

RMDC wrote:Two men walked into a bar. One said, "I'd like some H20." The second man said, "I'll have H20, too."

THE SECOND MAN DIED.

(chemistry jokes, what)"

A classic! I love chemistry jokes.
Here's more of a ditty than a joke, but you can have it anyway (another classic!)

Johnny was a chemist's son
But Johnny is no more
What Johnny thought was H2O
Was H2SO4

^_~ very cheesy, but here we go... (oh, and this one work best when read outloud)

Two pretzels were walking down the road.

One was a salted.

There are some doozies in there! Here's another, because you can't beat a good blonde joke!

A blonde reports for her university final exam which consists of mainly true and false questions. She takes her seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes her purse out, removes a coin and starts tossing the coin and marking the answer sheet: true for heads and false for tails. Within thirty minutes she is all done, whereas the rest of the class is still working furiously.

During the last few minutes, she is seen desperately throwing the coin, swearing and sweating. The moderator, alarmed, approaches her and asks what is happening.

"I finished the exam in a half hour," she replies. "Now I'm rechecking my answers."

I only know old and terrible jokes but here goes -

A horse walks in to a bar and the barman says "Why the long face?".

An Englishman, Irishman and Scotsman walked in to a bar and the barman said "What is this, a joke?".

Patient : Doctor, Doctor, I feel like a pair of curtains.
Doctor : Pull yourself together!

Patient : Doctor, Doctor, I can't stop my nose running.
Doctor : Well buy it a treadmill and you won't have to.

Person 1 - Knock, Knock.
Person 2 - Who's there?
Person 1 - Doctor.
Person 2 - Doctor who?
Person 1 - That's right!

I know - !!!!! Sorry!

What's green & jumps from bed to bed?

A prostitoad.